Drug Mafia Weed Dealer Simulator Review

Sweet Leaf

As far as flammable plants go, marijuana has received quite a bit of unfair criticism. Long thought to be polluting America’s youth, recent scientific findings indicate that marijuana was actually protecting our nation’s children from the dangers of being lame. The only crime it is guilty of is accessory to a chill time. In its defense? Your honor, allow me to present one simple fact: weed is funny.

Yes, I said it. Weed is funny. Any 14-year-old who has seen the edited cut of How High on Comedy Central recognizes this fact. As did Mighty Game Studio, the developers behind Drug Mafia Weed Dealer Simulator. They created a video game built entirely off the premise that weed is funny. In the game, you walk around selling weed. A concept so novel you wouldn’t think they needed five words in the title to get it across. Weed is funny, but unfortunately, this game is anything but fun.

First You Get the Money

You spawn in your apartment, next to a redesign of the iconic Obama Hope poster, where a red-eyed 44 is toking some jazz cabbage. There are other humorous paraphernalia posters on the walls, reminding you once again that weed is funny. However, you need to get to the place where all drug deals are done, the Dark Web. Go log onto your computer and get in contact with your supply man.

Place an order, go outside to your front yard, and you will meet your plug, Big G. Now that you have the marijuana, the first thing you must do is announce to the world that you have marijuana. Once you go back to your computer and respond to your client’s purchase requests, you can start dealing drugs. This consists of finding them on the map, walking to where they are, standing in front of them and tapping on them.

Puff, Puff, Pass

Once the tutorial ended, things got bad fast. First, there’s really nothing else to do. You buy drugs, you sell drugs and maybe if you are feeling it you can buy a bigger backpack. Eventually, cops start walking around. But your character is white, so unless you go up to them they really won’t bother you. At a certain point, you can buy a bar downtown to increase your drug networks, but the core gameplay doesn’t change.

And there’s so much walking around. Your character doesn’t move very fast unless he’s sprinting, which is not easy to activate and tires out your thumb worse than flicking an empty lighter. Drug Mafia Weed Dealer Simulator limits you to one task at a time. If you don’t have drugs on you at a given moment, you can’t confirm sales with your clients. This means there are a lot of walks back and forth to your computer that feel unnecessary.

Drug Mafia Weed Dealer Simulator’s audio is dreadful. The sound effects are irritating, and there’s no background music to drown them out. When you have clients waiting, your cellphone makes an awful pinging noise- and you always have clients waiting.

You Want it to be One Way, But it’s the Other Way

And yes, weed is funny. But this game deals with heavy drugs while refusing to acknowledge the gravity of that topic. Marijuana is one thing, but less than an hour into the game your character begins selling bath salts and heroine. These are powerful drugs that can be highly addictive. People commit violent and harmful acts while on or in the pursuit of them. Involving heavier substances in the gameplay was unnecessary and done in bad taste.

This game makes no moral judgments on any of the character’s activity. There is no explanation for why you, Big G., or any of the other characters have decided to involve yourselves with drugs. Of course, this is a piece of fiction. But I’m here to tell you now that the digital experience of selling heroin in this game was not exactly a “feel-good moment” for me. There’s no nuance or thought in this game whatsoever, you just go around and click on stuff for no reason. And to me, that kind of mindless, thoughtless action poses a greater danger to society than weed ever will.

Be a Lot Cooler if You Didn’t

To summarize, Drug Mafia Weed Dealer Simulator is incredibly boring and ethically suspect. There’s nothing to do other than walk around and sell drugs, which gets old almost immediately. The premise this game is built on is offensively bland and unfunny. I hate to be a narc, but I’m turning this one in.