Playing God

Ever wanted to decide who would end up in the good and bad parts of the afterlife? Well now you can in Heaven or Hell? A Divine Game from Hazenberg Games. Choose who gets their wings and who grows horns day after day based on one good and one bad deed. Those deeds range from serious to silly and sometimes it’s hard to choose where to send a person. Beyond afterlife placement, earn money from Hell to improve Heaven, answer prayers, and even meet with Death. Though more interesting than the horrid visuals would have you believe, this game quickly turns bland.

Swipe Up, Swipe Down

In the beginning, the gates of Heaven open to let in a small group of people awaiting your judgement. Each person comes with one good and bad deed, represented by an angel and devil face, respectively. Swipe up to send them to Heaven, or down to send them to Hell, based on their deeds. Sometimes the decision is easy. For example, if a person donated money to charity and was a serial killer, they’d go to Hell. If they were a devoted wife who lied about being blonde, they’d go to Heaven. However, not all people are that simple. Say a person adopted a stray cat but also didn’t leave a tip. Where should they go? It’s the little things you don’t often think about that makes decision-making difficult. There is the option of skipping the person by watching an ad, though doing so also skips the others behind them.

Beyond this, you also have days where you answer prayers and use Divine Intervention. Prayers involve visiting still-living people in their homes and deciding whether to help them or not. Reasonable prayers include world peace and watching over an ailing family member. Some prayers, such as wanting a billion dollars or a hot date, should be ignored. For Divine Intervention, this is where Death comes in. He asks you to watch over specific people, and only specific people, as they’re meant to be important in the future. Choose between two different reactions that will either help or make their situation worse. For example, when choosing between chocolate or flowers for a date, pick chocolate, as the date will be allergic to flowers. If you make the wrong decision, just watch an ad to try again. Though you’re essentially God in Heaven or Hell?, you’re not helping these people for free.

Monetary Gain

After sending people to Hell, they’re forced to mine for gold, which is then used to improve Heaven. More people in Hell means more gold for Heaven. Additional gold is also earned after answering prayers and successful Divine Interventions, along with helping Death collect souls. Death basically asks you to kill specific people in crazy ways so he can take their soul. At least you get paid, right? Spend the gold on luxuries such as swimming pools, fountains and even statues, each costing different amounts. Occasionally you’ll have the chance to receive Heavenly Gifts to decorate Heaven with. Usually animal-themed, these gifts are added to Heaven after you watch an ad. So far, Heaven or Hell? A Divine Game sounds entertaining, at least in terms of gameplay. However, the potential this game could have had was squandered for various reasons. One of which is the eye-straining, god-awful atrocious graphics.

The humans in this game are all yellow-skinned and all have similar misshapen bodies. To make them somewhat unique, the developers made a few different outfits for them to wear. Outfits include Egyptian mummy, stereotypical robber, punk girl and skater boy, among others. Unfortunately, dealing with a rotating roster of similar-looking people gets old fast. Beyond the graphics, the ads in this game are more annoying than a swarm of flies. It feels like one pops up every minute, and you even have to watch an ad to collect your gold. Surely the developers know that players and ads go together like water and oil? All these ads feel like they’re practically begging for money and really takes the fun out of the game.

False Idol

While Heaven or Hell? A Divine Game presents itself as potentially interesting at first, it quickly dissolves into a greedy eyesore. The gameplay is easy to learn and it’s genuinely fun deciding who goes to Heaven and who goes to Hell. But the constant ads showing up after every little action makes the game impossible to play properly. Don’t say I didn’t warn you if you decide to play.